I try my best to do everything in my studies. I force myself to complete things that i dont really feel interested at. in studies. i try my best to organize and plan my things and have them all done as perfect as possible. i get good grades, not because im smart but im a little bit hardworking than those people around me. i dont get good grades not because im dumb. i try my best and give all my strength and ability to accomplish what is assigned to me.

im not a robot. im not superwoman. im not im not. dont know how do i perceived in the eyes of my classmates/friends. do they think that im smart, by comparing my grades with theirs. do they think that im 强. im not. i close my heart. i always do. i look strong and 'confident' on the outside but do you know that im actually pretending. im giving you a false impression. i want to look good and confident outwardly. the fact is, im keeping everything with myself. whenever i feel like bursting, my mum is the only one comforting me. renee does give me comfort but she doesnt know everything of my hapennings. my mum is the ultimate comforter. but my mum isnt always with me. she's not with me, she's in malaysia. im in adelaide, im with myself. although God is there. i have to make a lot of decisions in my daily life. no one decides for me now, i have to make my very own decision and be responsible for every decisions that i've made. friends are just friends. they dont heal the innerside of me. they'll fail me. they'll forget about me once they're back to their country or on holiday. that's why my heart is always close. it's glued and can hardly open. i dont really used to praying to God. i feel lazy, for always. i pray, sometimes. when i really need help or feel really awful. i need to develop a good relationship with God. what happens to me if my mum isnt here with me one day in the future. i depend on my mum so much. she is the only one who could heal my inner feelings. when i really feel like bursting and couldnt tell my mum or inconvenient to call, i try to expose a little bit of feelings to my friends in adelaide but people just dont understand, i cant blame them, they dont really know me, they dont understand, they dont need to understand coz my heart is already closed anyway. i need some praises and need people to feel pity on me at times but you see, no one will pity you. only you would pity yourself. "dont fall into self-pity" this is what i learned from church. but it's an emotion. i cant control. i need praise. specific praise to enlighten my life. to give me confidence to continue my day. who would be so kind to praise me or tell me what i've done which made them feel happy. can anyone tell me that you like me. who like me. oh. i miss people who cares about me. i miss my family. i miss my true friends. who likes me. just tell me why do you like me and do you like me.

im special. only special people would be able to see my speciality. im excellent in a special way.

"what you want is not necessarily what you need, maybe it's not the best thing God has for you. God wouldnt give 2nd best, he gives best thing to you!"

"God has good promises in your life."

"You cant do everything, but you can do something!"

"You always have enough ability to do what God wants you to do."

yeeleng

18 Sept 2009

7-9 March 2009 ~ Not Bad

7 March 2009 (Saturday)
I did my kitchen duty from 11am till 2.15pm. Went back to room for some readings after that but I didn’t manage to read much as I was too tired and kept falling asleep.
Went to the gym room with Wayne, Sean, Esther, Jin and Calvin. Tried different types of equipment in the gym room but the one I adore most was the mini punching bag, it was cute:p
We ended up playing ball which was of 4.5kg in front of the gym room. Esther was so strong and she even managed to catch the ball which was thrown from far. So did Wayne, Jin and Sean. Jin was cute..haha. I think he loves to imitate people’s act. He imitated me when I gave a weird sound while I dropped my slipper. He imitated Esther who was showing some punching actions.

8 March 2009 (Sunday)
Went to NLCC church with Josephine at 9.25am. This time was better than the one on last week as the speaker wasn’t as boring as last week’s speaker, I did feel sleepy though. Haha.
Josephine brought me to her room which locates at the Federation House. I was like a hotel and I love it:) I had a good chat with her and she treated me some Gelati flavoured ice-cream.
I did my kitchen duty from 4pm till 7.15pm. Went back to room for a short while then went to the gym room with Wayne. We spent for about 1 hour in the gym room and then went to Calvin and Alan’s room for a short while as they were all playing computer games as a team.
Then I brought Wayne to Josephine’s room as he has never been to the Federation House before. I didn’t expect that we could actually spend almost 2 hours over there. I think I should ask for a leave earlier as I think Wayne would like to spend some time on computer games whereas Josephine would love to continue with her research and homework. I felt so sorry.

9 March 2009 (Monday)
It’s a public holiday today (Adelaide Cup). I was forced to wake up in the morning so that I could have my breakfast. I went to Sherlynn’s room to ask her some questions about the lecture journal. We chat a bit on Christian songs;)
Went back to my room to continue with my lecture journal. I’ll be having my 3rd kitchen duty at 4pm, again.

Yee Leng
10.15am ~ 9 March 2009

4,5 March 2009

4 March 2009
I had my Human Environments 1st tutorial at 11am to 1pm. It was HEAPS COOL!! I enjoyed the 2 hours in the design classroom. We were divided into 4 groups, each consisting 5 group members but one of the groups has only 4 members. We were assigned to draw an object and then pass it over to the person sitting next to you to draw an object similar or representing the same theme as yours. I drew a jug whereas the other members in my group drew mechanical pencil, bicycle, car and Vanna Venturi House respectively. We were asked to bring a type of fruit with a definite cross sectional on the following week. Wow, that would really be fun!!
After that, I went for the following lecture (Imaging Our World) with Alex and Robbie who were in the same group with me during the HE tutorial. It was raining. Luckily it started raining after we arrived the medical school. I had bread plus jam for lunch. I couldn’t really concentrate during the lecture. I wonder how Alex is going to bear with the following 2 hours of workshop after this lecture. Fortunately I’ve chosen Thursday’s workshop or else I might die of tiredness on Wednesday.
After starving for the whole day, I had a hearty dinner at Lincoln. I had chicken with rice for dinner. It tasted good:)

5 March 2009
I went for HE workshop today at 10am to 12.00pm. I was like, so slow! I think I really need to do more practices on Sketch Up less I may be left behind. Su Chen was sitting beside me. We tried to help each other but I didn’t seem to help him much as my progression was even slower than his. We tried hard in sketching up the Vanna Venturi House. The model needs to be submitted on Friday, which is tomorrow, originally, but fortunately, the coordinator gave us another 24 hours to complete it, that is, we need to hand in our work on Saturday. HOOhoo~
I stayed in the room in the afternoon to online. Meanwhile I edited 2 photos to be submitted to facebook as this is one of the homework that is assigned for Imaging Our World(IOW).
As for tonight, I plan to finish up the sketching of Vanna Venturi House. I plan to finish up my lecture journal on tomorrow. I’ll try to finish it up!! If not, I may not join Jo for the Adult Fellowship Night on tomorrow.

YeeLeng
8.24pm ~ 5 March 2009

TIRED TIRED AND TIRED. TO THE EXTREME.

4 March 2009
Not a good day.
Had a lecture early in the morning at 8am and I woke up at about 6.15am. After the 1 hour lecture, I went to the Woolworths to buy dishwasher and sponge. Bought a a pair dolls for myself in a shop. It was raining and the wind was really furious. I hold my umbrella tightly, hoping that it would not be blown off. Walked back to college before 12pm. While I was reading my course outline, I felt extremely tired. I had a 15mins nap before heading down to the dining room for my lunch. After that, I did some laundry. While waiting for the clothes to be washed, I did some ironing. I’ve ironed 2 clothes, each took me 20 mins(wow). After collecting my clothes from the washing machine, I placed them into the drying machine which cost me 1 dollar. After 15 mins, I collected my clothes and found that they’re still not dried. I wonder should I not pressing ‘medium temperature’ but ‘ high temperature’ next time? L
I placed all the wet clothing on my bed and some hanging everywhere in my room. I purposely left the stand fan on so that It would help to dry them soonest possible. I left at 4.30pm as I had a lecture at 5pm.
After the lecture, I stayed in the university for choir that would be held at 7pm. I ate my bread with raspberry and orange jam inside of the Schulz Building. People who passed by might think that im weird: girl, why are you eating over there, should go to the other places to eat..
Met Jess and another Lincoln student.… (too tired to write all of them down). The choir wasn’t really fun as we sang by looking at notes and sang in Latin. I don’t know both, so…it’s difficult for me to follow them. They started off with a song like 123..321……I didn’t know and never heard of it before, how am I gonna follow them to sing..haiz
Went back before 10pm. Someone drove us back to college. Will try another time on next Tuesday and see whether it’d better. SUPER DUPER TIRED NOW! I’VE GOTTA PROCRASTINATE MY LECTURE JOURNAL…SO SAD.. just hope that I’ll get most of it done on tomorrow.
All the best for tomorrow and Friday.

Yeeleng
11.22pm

22Feb ~ 1Mac 2009

I was holding my laptop here and there in my room and taking pictures with my webcam. hahaha~~hope you've enjoyed looking at my picture. have a nice day(:

22 feb 2009 (Sunday)
Moved in all my belongings into Lincoln College in the morning at about 9am. Went out with parents before returning to college for a BBQ lunch at about 12pm. The first people I met in the college was Fiona, a gentle and polite girl from Melbourne. Had a very general chat with her. Mum and dad went for the BBD lunch and then left me after that. They went to buy some essential stuffs for me like stand fan, jug, etc. Went to the common room for a briefing concerning safety and other information regarding Lincoln college. Then it was followed by corridor meeting. My corridor tutor is Greg and I remember that he spoke really soft and I couldn’t able to listen to what he was talking about, at all (oh my goodness). Somemore, Adele was blocking me as im really too short. Nevermind about that.
Later at about 6pm we have got our first formal tea in the dining room. Not really remember what were the dishes but I remember that I didn’t really enjoy the food. After dinner we went to the common room for a fresher dance. After that, they went to the pub but I didn’t join them as I wasn’t interested.

23 feb 2009 (Monday)
The seniors brought us to the university by following the shortest route. I went to collect my student ID. On the way back to college, I was lost. I called my mum but still couldn’t get myself back to the college. I walked alone for more than one hour and was exhausted. Luckily I met Sherlynn. She’s on her way to the university for a talk. She said she’s already late and it’s okay to send me back to the college. Finally, I was back to the college. BUT! I still couldn’t remember the route. After dinner we’ve got Barnyard Dance at the KMB lawn. It’s enjoyable although I don’t love dancing. We danced for 3 hours but we’ve got a short intermission halfway through the dance. They went to the pub after that. Again, i didn’t join them.

24 feb 2009 (Tuesday)
Went to the university with Sherlynn for an O’week lecture in the morning. I lost Asked Sherlynn to talk to Elynne and we met in front of the Barr Smith Library. Went to buy salt, honey, sellotape and water at Woolworths. (Not sure whether I’ve written the correct events coz I’m writing this on 1 mac)
Went to Scav Hunt. Erm..What I can say is.. omg, I don’t want that to happen again. My group was very small, consisted of 2 team leaders and 3 group members. Whats more is, I couldn’t speak (remember? I lost my voice). I shouldn’t join them and ruin their night. I stayed queit. 1 of the missions was to drink alcohol but I didn’t drink coz I don’t drink alcohol but that’s not exactly the main reason. The main reason is that I don’t want to hurt my throat that’s getting worse from day to day. Another mission was to swallow cinnamon. I couldn’t do that, so sorry, Rosie.
I don’t like the Scav Hunt at all, it’s like so meaningless to me.
Pub, again. Nope to me, again.

25 feb 2009 (Wednesday)
Went to University for my course’s computer session and library tour. Later went shopping with Elynne at Rundle Mall. Bought 2 cami, 2 pants (which are in seriously striking colours, orange and red), necklace and bracelet. One more! A jeans bag. Both Elynne and me bought similar bag. It’s expensive ($39.9), for us. I went to consult doctor at 4.10pm in the university. Went to the pharmacy to buy medicine prescribed by the doctor before rushing back to the college for a formal tea.
Then we had building banner painting after lunch. I think ours is the nicest among all, haha.
Pub, again. Nope, again.

26 feb 2009 (Thursday)
Went to the university for O’week lecture. After that we’re divide into different groups with our respective penpals. We’ve got a chat and then my penpal brought us for a campus tour.
Later I went to Rundle Mall alone to buy some pocket files, pencil case.
Had a free night in my room coz I didn’t join the ‘Quiz Night’. So I was checking all the mails and printed some important notes throughout the night.

27 feb 2009 (Friday)
Went out SHOPPING with Elynne. Gosh, if I keep on going out with her both of us will bankrupt. Maybe we shall plan to do some other things next time we meet. Haha. I bought my drawing equipments at Eckersley’s at Frome Road. Bought 2 pieces of garments on that day, I couldn’t resist coz I really love them a lot.
During the night time, I was staying in the room, online and checked mails.

28 feb 2009 (Saturday)
They went to the beach but I didn’t feel like going. I was staying in the room for the whole day. Filed all my notes and documents. Online as well. Got to know Muhammad during lunch. He’s happy with friends calling him as HamSap. What a weird and funny name. Talked with Muhammad and Billy during dinner and went with them to buy phonecard as Billy needs to contact her family. They convinced me to go to the party at night although they’re not going as they have exams on the following week.
I didn’t do too much of dressing up. The theme for the party was ‘In Disguise Night’. I had no idea of what to wear. I just grabbed a black spaghetti with a ribbon in front and then matched it with a jeans skirt and grey high heels. After all, I didn’t really understand the theme. Some more, I don’t even have a mask to cover up my face.
Went up to the common room (the college is running a pub at common room and that’s merely for Lincoln students, if not mistaken). Well, it was entirely different from what I expected. Not much people were there. Some were sitting at the bar, having their drinks and chatting. Most of them are dancing. I felt EXTREMELY awkward as I don’t know how to dance and im not sociable enough. I don’t like Yee Leng.
Most of the night I was standing or sometimes sitting at a side. Oh my god, what was I doing. Even with nothing being done, I managed to stay there until the end, which was until 11.30pm. (I went there at about 8pm). Oh hey, I forgot to mention about their costumes. A lot of guys were wearing skirts and some even with bras :p, became very sexy all of a sudden. Some wear shades, some dressed up like nurse, clowns, superman, butterfly, baby and some wore antennas.
Well, AT LEAST, I got to witness something I’ve never seen in my life.

1 march 2009 (Sunday)
Went to the New Life Community Church (NLCC) with Josephine, for the first time. Felt warm as they welcome me to the church. The singing part was nice although I couldn’t sing well with my half recovered throat. But then I think that they’ve repeated the lyrics for too many times. I met Sara in the church (a girl whom I’ve met during O’week lecture in the university). She’s born and brought up in Australia but her parents were from Malaysia. Josephine is really kind and friendly. She never neglected me, instead, she introduced me to her friends. I chat with Jo’s friend when Jo was away(gotta appologise as I don’t remember her name). Jo bought me a T-shirt from the church and it’s written ‘Relentless Compassion’ with a cute cartoon in the middle. I wanted a red one but they don’t have a small size with that particular colour so I picked a white one. Thanks Jo, you’re so kind.

YeeLeng
1 Mac 2009
4.55pm

19th Birthday

I'm waiting for another 15 minutes to sleep as i dont feel like spending my date of birth on sleeping. i received a lot of wishes from all my friends started from yesterday 11.59pm, which was from weipeng. i've got wishes even in the midnight like erlina, kahwai, meow( she remembers my birthday every year!! haha), tsechien, charles, yingxuan, see and eric (he sent me msg at 2.28am, lol, thats really early!) and then later i've got wishes from william, lichin, audrey, RE, Jean, Annie, PaoYee, Szekie and Koongxinyi. not to forget about those sending me wishes through msn, friendster and facebook.
THANKS=D

I've got a precious birthday greetings from someone. I was pleased and grateful to receive that although it's just a few simple sentences. It means a lot to me:) I do really wish to see the person again as it's really long that i've not seen the person..

Didnt get any wishes from someone that i've been waited since yesterday. still waiting for a belated one. nevermind, dear..=)

another one is a so-called good friend...it's okay..

at least i've got a date this night. with my aunt and uncle. they've treated me western food at Ola-Ola. Thanks!
and i've got a msg from brisbane..my cousins wished me=)
and my dad gave me rm100 just now, wheeee

i've got to stop here, kind of sleepy. it's already 24th and not my birthday anymore, goodnight and sweet dreams, yeeleng.